she needed to change... [pt 2]

{If you missed the first part yesterday, please read it first!}

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We turned several corners during our first years of being married, but there was sometimes a bit of animosity between us. Our problem, unbeknownst to either of us, was that we had yet to become ONE.

We each were doing our best in the marriage, but it was still each of us trying to be what we thought we ought to be.

Several years ago, all of this changed. To me there was no defining moment, but God really began to work on MY heart.

Much of this previous time I would dwell on the other half of the equation, when the real problem was staring at me in the mirror.

God spoke to me saying, "John, quit looking at your wife and all of her flaws, cuz you my son, are NOT all of that either."

The problem was, I was dwelling on my wife and what SHE needed to change and not on me, myself, and I. WOW!!

It was NOT my wife that was the problem, but my own pride that was the problem.

Thus began the journey of just allowing God to change MY life so I could become what He wanted me to be.

After all, God knows exactly what my wife needs in and from me, and if I allow God to change me, then I am becoming not only what God wants and needs me to be, but what my wife wants and needs me to be as well.

As my wife often says to me, “You are not perfect, John, but you are perfect FOR ME.”

I love my wife for feeling that way about me. She is my gift from God. Amen!

she needed to change [pt 1]

This is a guest post from my hubby.... about "us"... and needing change.

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Almost 12 years ago, I asked this girl I knew to go to a Valentine’s Banquet with me.

I was so nervous when I asked her, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was a Godly decision. Little did I know how much that would change my life.

The Valentine’s Banquet was a very fun time even though, once again, I was so nervous I almost puked.

Almost 6 months after that day, we were engaged to be married. I knew this was the woman that God would have me marry.

Although I am sure she had flaws at this point in her life, I looked beyond them and saw what God wanted me to see in her. I am sure she would say the same thing about me as well.

Ten months after we were engaged was our wedding day. Most of our engagement period we were separated from each other by quite a distance. I used to love to speak to her on the phone and get to know her more and more as THE day approached. I was very busy with work, finishing up college, and the ministry I was involved in.

Most days seemed to fly by, and I could feel the bond with the one I loved grow stronger and stronger. What a truly wonderful feeling that was.

In June of ’03 we were finally reunited and married. What a wonderful day that was. I still remember much of that day as if it were yesterday. Seven PM finally arrived, and we were married. We zoomed away in our vehicle to start our life together.

The next day we left for our 1 week honeymoon, and although the actually honeymoon lasted only one week, this honeymoon period lasted for several months. Truly this woman was special, a joy to be around, and a gift of God.

Then guess what? As we lived together day by day, and even worked together each day, my angel I had married began to have flaws I had never really seen before. This “perfect woman” I had found was changing right before my eyes. I knew I could not go back and get a refund, but what was I to do?

I struggled with this for a while. Not that I wanted to divorce, but how could I get through to her to make her see she had “changed.” During this time I reminded myself that she was after all 7 years younger than I, thus 7 years less mature. I tried to remember back to when I was that age and tried to see things through HER eyes.

To make matters worse, she was expecting also. Her hormones were, well, just going crazy; and morning sickness was really getting the best of her. A few times, I will be honest, I just wanted to tell her to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” But I bit my tongue and just “endured the hardship” God had given me.

I would read in my Bible about how a Christian should act and then see how my wife was not measuring up to this. I looked at her at times and just prayed to God, “please God, change her.”

{come back tomorrow to see just how God DID change me}

a price above rubies . 15

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Proverbs 31:24

She understands a trade. She knows an area of business and takes advantage of the market, thus earning some income. This has been talked about earlier in the chapter also.

She knows that her merchandise is good. This woman has worked in the night hours to furnish product to the merchants. She has remained a light to her family during the dark times [possibly of financial struggle].

She is not afraid to lay hold on work. She has learned to give to the needy. She has proven to have a mind to reason out business.

While she could have {and so can we} become involved in a myriad of business opportunities: soap-making, farming, animals, child-care, artist, etc... she did become involved in clothing and material construction {as well as a little farming}. We see here that she made fine linen. She constructed girdles to sell.

I find it encouraging to notice that, while it does say she was not idle and looked well to the ways of her household [further on], it does not say that there were never days of disorder or frustration.

I am positive she had days of being tired. She WAS human. But she also relied on God for strength {she feared the Lord in verse 30}.

[I do understand that this woman is simply the advice of a mother to her son on looking for a wife, but I think the fact this type of lady's description made it into Scripture means this type of life is more than just a lofty aspiration.]

Life is messy. Husbands are not always agreeable {and neither are we!}. Children are often chaos waiting to explode. She took care of her family and home to the best of her ability. And she learned a trade. Incidentally, she learned a trade that benefited her family [growing fruit and constructing clothing]!

These things did not happen in a day. Neither did they happen in one year. This chapter is the culmination of her life. It does not say she bought land every year or even planted vineyards every year. It does not say she made linen every season her whole life. These are simply things she did-at some point in her life.

And while I am busy these precious, few, fleeting years training my children to be good and how to do household chores with me, I can be learning and preparing for a time when they will not require my full-undivided-attention-every-waking-moment. It will come. I think the fact that the only time this lady's children are mentioned is when they rise up to call her blessed attests to that.

~ ~ ~

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 

Proverbs 31:10

the series

multiplying miracles {day 22}

Today I read in Luke 8 of the man of the Gadarenes that was possessed of many devils and whom God healed. 

 After Jesus cast the demons into the swine feeding nearby and the animals died in a lake, the people talked about it. There was likely a frenzy of wondering what just happened?! 

But when the people found out that Jesus had made this maniac to be sane, they were afraid... of Jesus.

I am sure they were not pleased that Jesus had killed their pigs [I am assuming they were part of someone’s lively-hood]. It is not normal for animals to wildly run down a ravine and into a lake.

But it was not until they saw a crazy man sitting sanely that the Bible says they were afraid. It is a fairly normal occurrence for a man to sit, clothed, speaking calming to other people. And yet, this is what made them afraid.

And the city asked Jesus to leave.

One of their own was made whole, sane; and they were afraid of the Healer.

The Bible records that He came back later and was received gladly.

What made the difference?

Jesus told the man: shew how great things God hath done unto thee. And he went his way, and published throughout the whole city how great things Jesus had done unto him. [v 39]

The man told the people of the city his first-hand account of Jesus power. He told them Jesus was God... or at least, the man realized Jesus was God, and that influenced his story. And then, when Jesus was returned, the people gladly received him: for they were all waiting for him. [v 40]

And after this was when Jarius’ daughter was raised from the dead. It seems to be a man from the same town.

All this... led me to realize, yet again, that when the name of Jesus is elevated to GOD in our conversation... when we actively think of Him as God, thus changing our manner of life... people believe {maybe not all, but it is noticed!}, hearts are changed, and miracles continue! How marvelous. 

did you ever talk to God? {day 21}

The Lord has been dealing with my heart about my not praying as I CAN, not being bold in coming before His throne... because only He can help in my time of need!

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

A few thoughts on prayer from my Pastor’s message yesterday {he has been doing a series on Prayer the last month}:

In Isaiah 1 the Lord is telling Israel that their sacrifices and prayers are an abomination because of the motives in their hearts. We must make our prayers for God’s glory, not our selfish desires.

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. I Corinthians 10:31

This passage in I Corinthians in context is in reference to being a stumbling block to any man by way of our manner of life, our conversation. But the principle remains true in our prayers.

If our prayers are hindered by selfishness, our life can bring occasion to falter to another, intentionally or not.

In keeping with that thought, Psalm 68:18-20 says: If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me: But verily God hath heard me... hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me.

The word iniquity carries the idea of “a moral injustice”... my offending another, bringing offense to the name of Christ, treating another poorly... through word or deed, action or motive. 

I must cling to a right relationship with my Lord above all others to allow His Love to shine through me... to keep my life from bringing offense to His name. 

The Psalmist [David] had an amazing relationship with his God, my God! Even though he struggled with many “obvious” sins. And  I think the answer to how is found throughout the different Psalms he wrote, but specifically chapter 119... that long one, and verse 2 says: Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart.

We are no longer “under the Law” [as testimonies makes reference to] as Christ came to fulfill all the law... but as Christians, our greatest commandment [law] is to love our God and to love our neighbor [Matthew 22:36-30], which encompasses the motive behind the points of the law.

There were a few other points made which follow in line with having proper motives and not living in offense to others; but for today, I have a few requests to bring boldly before His throne... and a heart to search and ask the Lord to cleanse of wrong motives and show offense! [not to mention laundry and dishes and vacuuming {smiles}]

the seed, the Word {day 20}

Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. Those by the way side are they that hear...But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience. from Luke 8:4-15, the parable of the Sower

These verses, this story, was in my scheduled Bible reading for today. I intensely wish for my own life to bring forth fruit, and I know it requires patience to see it. 

But just as fiercely I wish for my own children to receive the Seed of the Word of God [become saved] and also bear fruit.

Only on the "good ground" is the Word received AND fruit is born. As a mother, my prayer is for my children's hearts to be good ground... I am not a farmer, but I do know a few things about the general type of soil needed to grow good crops.

First it must also be rich in nutrients. All plants of the earth require different minerals to produce their various fruits. We must allow God to prepare the soil of our children's hearts through consistent Bible reading [family devotions are a wonderful way to do this!], Bible memorization, and Scripture verses displayed where they can read them [when they can read!] Only through the principles learned thus will an honest and good heart be produced. [Mark 10:18]

It must also be moist. A dry heart is less likely to hold onto a seed. Moist soil is soft and pliable. We must ask for and then allow the Spirit of God [rivers of living water- John 7:39] to regularly and consistently pour water into our children's lives. Our children need to see the Spirit's work in our own lives. We must teach and exemplify the truths and principles found in Scripture to help their hearts to remain tender until such time as they understand their personal need for accepting Jesus.

It must also be able to receive sunlight daily. As saved parents, we are light to our children. [Matthew 5:14-16] Our testimony affects how our children receive God. This is a scary thought. My children see me at my absolute worst and know if I strive to allow God's love to shine through me even during the frustrations and difficulties or if it is an act. And we must also be diligent to surround our children, as much as possible, with others' whose lights shine brightly for the Lord.

And last of all, it needs to be in a good location to receive nutrients and water and light. When we neglect to take our children to church or read the Bible at home or speak of the Spirit leading us throughout the day, how can they know?

the fulness of life {day 11}

I read recently where someone was saying that [one of] the problem with the church is that she is not teaching us about how to "work." One commenter dubbed it the "doctrine of vocation."  

Here is a quote which nearly sums the article: 

"Christianity is given (sold?) to us, in the main, as a life of evangelism, morality and church activities. [yet] Our lives are made up of finely drawn details. Each day is full of countless ones. We do all these 'little' things at home, at work, and in the marketplace and they just don’t get a lot of sermon time." [you can read its entirety here]  

{And I believe this man is honestly speaking from a sincere heart. This is no attack on him or his thoughts. I do not even know him!}

This got me to thinking... and wondering:
Are we supposed to learn how to "act Christian" at work? Is there a different way to express our faith in the workplace as opposed to in church on Sunday?

and that made me be still... to listen and know.It is almost cliche among Christians {especially those who are faithful to church and church activities} to say: Let Christ have preeminence...  

{this is the first verse that popped in my head after reading the blog post: Colossians 1:18, And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence} 

It seems to be often preached: Put Jesus first... and you will have peace, you will know joy, life will have meaning, etc.

Often, both phrases are used interchangeably.

But they are not the same.

And I am not actually supposed to put Jesus first.

I am to put Him only.

Preeminence implies that nothing else can compare.

There is no list for Him to be "first" on because He IS "the list."

In the beginning of my Christian journey, He was the "first one" that I reached for/called out to in certain situations... but because He is always enough, I ended up realizing that He is the only anything that I need in any situation.
The problem, as I find in the Bible, is not that the church does not meet this supposed need of teaching us how to live in our different compartments: church, work, play, with friends, with family, in a store, in a restaurant, at a church function as opposed to a work function, with church friends as opposed to unsaved colleagues, etc.

The problem is that: WE LIVE IN COMPARTMENTS.

If I could just realized {and convey through example and testimony} that Christ is to simply be my life... I would see how He permeates [fills] every aspect... without special training or doctrines.

Further reading in that same passage reveals: For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell; ....by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him... whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. Colossians 1:18-20. {He is the fulness of all things... in heaven or on earth.} [emphasis mine]

and further still...
And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled ... through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight: If ye continue in the faith ... and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, ...even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to his saints:  to whom God would make known ...the glory of this mystery... which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: whom we preach, ... whereunto I also labour, striving according to his working, which worketh in me mightily. Colossians 1:21-29 [selected, emphasis mine]
 
If I remember correctly, Paul, though a traveling missionary... worked. He had a "vocation" outside of being a minister of the Gospel. And yet, when speaking of Christ, Paul never mentions anything apart from Jesus is the fulness... of... well, of life. Jesus is the fulness of life-all life. He is not just the fulness of going to church or of witnessing or of having family devotions.

  

If the Spirit whispers within me to speak to a perfect stranger about the Gospel, Jesus is being the fulness "in the store." 

If I realize that I have not given a true effort in a particular area of my secular job, then I know that I have not allowed Jesus to be the fulness in my "vocation." 

When I rest in His strength and find joy in His contentment, He becomes the fulness of any area/compartment I may have in my life.

Thus, Jesus becomes my life; and I do not need to blame my church for not teaching me how to live in my compartments.

when life happens {day 8}

You know the saying "Life is what happens after you make plans."?

That was my day today. I had plans to "farm the kids out" {not really, just asked a trusted, sweet lady to keep them for the day}... so I could concentrate on some truly necessary things in our home that keep getting pushed further and further into {not onto, that would imply I'm still entertaining thoughts of them. haha} the back burner. 

And then, last night, I heard a racking, hoarse cough coming from the girls' room. I knew right away which one it was... my baby girl. Her congestion had finally settled, hard, right in her chest.

She woke up coughing... and crying, which made it worse. And made my momma-heart hurt.

But even amid the fatigue, the Lord gave me strength and brought certain things to my remembrance to help me help her. We got her coughing calmed down, and she went back to sleep for several hours... then it was time to get her sisters up for school. 

 

A little while later, the baby's nasal drainage caused his tummy to not appreciate his breakfast... {but he jumped right back up to being his normal, happy little self... and we are all cleaned and disinfected. hehe}

All this to paint a backdrop for this one thought:

...[God's] strength is made perfect in [my] weakness.  

2 Corinthians 12:9 [added]

While this has been a far cry from my "worst day ever," life happened to bring me a day far different than I had planned. And because I know HIM... I can rest in His strength when days just don't turn out the way I wanted.

edited: {not saying I always do rest in this strength, just that I can... and it is blessed}

I pray you can also find rest in His strength when life happens... after you make those plans {smiles}.

dangers of being "strange" {day 5}

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{{before I begin this post, I feel I must say this.... I realize that some of the thoughts I am sharing during this 31 days may seem a bit strong. I apologize if I come across that way. I am truly only sharing things the Lord has shown me about my own life, about the lives of my children and what to teach them. 

I totally get it that some people may not see or understand the same thing I do. I do not always see a passage the same as another, but we can edify each other that way.

That is the beauty of studying Scriptures on a personal level. That is the beauty of our God! I pray you are blessed and encouraged!}}

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Now... on to what is growing me today!

Proverbs chapter 5 gives warning to a young man about the dangers of the "strange woman." 

I would like to think that there is not a whole lot for me, a Christian, trying-to-be-Godly woman to really get out of that.  

But, there is much there for me. There is an example, several explicit illustrations, of what I should not be as well as character traits I need to guard my own daughters against developing and principles I need to teach my son.

I know that, in general, people can be a little touchy about the subject of the "strange woman." Many people have used her as a launching point for dwelling on dress and "modesty." I am not going there!

A totally different thought struck me this morning as I read this chapter.

...the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: but her end is bitter as wormwood... [Proverbs 5:3,4]

How often do I speak as honey purely with the intention of getting my own way-which in turn often has results that are bitter as wormwood...? 

... ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them. Hear me now ... depart not from the words of my mouth. Remove thy way far from her...Lest thou give thine honour unto others... [Proverbs 5:6-9]

Are my ways moveable? Do I allow my "mood" to affect {move} how I treat my family? Sadly, that is something I struggle with at times-to the point that my husband canst not know [my ways]. When I allow how I feel to so deeply affect how I act, I am a detriment to the Lord's ministry in my husband's life as well as my own testimony to my children {and others}... and the honor of our family is harmed.

Now, I know that this "strange woman" spoken of here is an harlot, and I know that the Bible is teaching young men not to seek out a woman with these traits as she will lead them to ruin; but as a Christian, trying-to-be-Godly woman... I need to guard my own heart against those tenancies.

...because I cannot forget that I have 3 little girls and a sweet baby-man looking at ME to see what a Godly woman should act like.

the trust of babes

If you are a momma or have ever been close to small children, you will recognize what I am talking about here.

{not my kitchen sink! but isn't that tile pretty?}

I stand still. My hands are immersed in that sudsy, warm water known to all women... at the kitchen sink. {smiles}  My mind wanders a million miles away-to time past or our children's future.... or just a few feet away to thoughts of my honey.

And then I feel it, the little fingers tugging at my skirt {and my heart strings!} while little legs struggle to stand. This miniature body leans full force into me. He knows I will not let him fall {at least not too hard, yet}. He trusts me.

I sit. I bend my body all the way down to the floor. They need mommy to be accessible. Sometimes all at once, but usually one by one, little bodies come to me, wanting arms to wrap around. The baby pushes through on hands and knees still. He grabs whatever he can reach and uses my strength to help him stand, again. His body lunges for me. He trusts my love.

taken over a year ago!

This trust, all my children showed it as babies. This all-consuming confidence is how I must trust God my Father to care for my day-to-day. He DOES care, even for the nitty gritty!

I must rest knowing that He will catch me should I fall when struggling to stand. He never moves. [Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8], so He is always right where I need Him to be when I need Strength. 

I must trust, rest as securely as my child using me to learn to stand, in His love for me.

And so should you... because His love for you is the same!

growing

While my 14 month old still crawls, and seems content to do so, I often remember that my 2 middle children crawled before they were 10 months old! The oldest walked just before her first birthday. And I am struck with these differences. Some of it does have to do with gender, and how girls and boys mature differently. But people in general mature and grow differently-at different paces, in different orders.

Our oldest was speaking fairly clearly with full words at 11-12 months, but she never crawled until about 2 weeks before she started walking... right before she turned 1.

The next two both crawled by 5/6 months and were walking soon after, but they both had trouble forming words coherently until they were past their second birthdays.

This little baby-man we now have... he took his time learning to crawl. He is taking his time with walking too. And I think he'll follow those two who took their time talking also.

And I found a lesson to be learned... every person will grow differently from every other person. We may meet someone who has had similar experiences as ourselves, but they will not have grown exactly the same. Even siblings, growing up with the same parents, same house, same experiences, same church, same everything... still become different people. And they learn things in different ways and from different circumstances. They even learn the same things in a different order.

And so do baby Christians. Just because a person was saved at the same time you were does not mean they will automatically be at the same place spiritually that you are every step.... even if you've been in the same church and had similar experiences.

And we cannot push people to learn something other than what God is teaching them right then. Others can observe my growth and be encouraged that God is not done with them. And in turn, I can observe their growth and realize God is not done with me, either!

I may learn a particular lesson earlier in my Christian walk than my husband or a friend, but that does not make me more spiritual. My husband had learned many things I had yet to encounter when we were first married... and now the Lord allows him to be right there helping me through as I learn them later-in different ways.

All of that to say, every other person is going to grow and mature in a different way than I do, just as each of our children grow and learn differently. And I cannot and should not try to push or shove people in their Christian walk...

I must gently guide those the Lord puts in my path to guide {my children, a SS class, close friends, etc}.

I must pray for those He does not give me the authority to instruct {other people’s children who are not in my care, people who do not know my testimony, even those who simply seem to resist me as a person}.

And I must be an example to any who care to observe my life that God does indeed grow people. And I must allow Him to work!