she needed to change... [pt 2]

{If you missed the first part yesterday, please read it first!}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We turned several corners during our first years of being married, but there was sometimes a bit of animosity between us. Our problem, unbeknownst to either of us, was that we had yet to become ONE.

We each were doing our best in the marriage, but it was still each of us trying to be what we thought we ought to be.

Several years ago, all of this changed. To me there was no defining moment, but God really began to work on MY heart.

Much of this previous time I would dwell on the other half of the equation, when the real problem was staring at me in the mirror.

God spoke to me saying, "John, quit looking at your wife and all of her flaws, cuz you my son, are NOT all of that either."

The problem was, I was dwelling on my wife and what SHE needed to change and not on me, myself, and I. WOW!!

It was NOT my wife that was the problem, but my own pride that was the problem.

Thus began the journey of just allowing God to change MY life so I could become what He wanted me to be.

After all, God knows exactly what my wife needs in and from me, and if I allow God to change me, then I am becoming not only what God wants and needs me to be, but what my wife wants and needs me to be as well.

As my wife often says to me, “You are not perfect, John, but you are perfect FOR ME.”

I love my wife for feeling that way about me. She is my gift from God. Amen!

she needed to change [pt 1]

This is a guest post from my hubby.... about "us"... and needing change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost 12 years ago, I asked this girl I knew to go to a Valentine’s Banquet with me.

I was so nervous when I asked her, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was a Godly decision. Little did I know how much that would change my life.

The Valentine’s Banquet was a very fun time even though, once again, I was so nervous I almost puked.

Almost 6 months after that day, we were engaged to be married. I knew this was the woman that God would have me marry.

Although I am sure she had flaws at this point in her life, I looked beyond them and saw what God wanted me to see in her. I am sure she would say the same thing about me as well.

Ten months after we were engaged was our wedding day. Most of our engagement period we were separated from each other by quite a distance. I used to love to speak to her on the phone and get to know her more and more as THE day approached. I was very busy with work, finishing up college, and the ministry I was involved in.

Most days seemed to fly by, and I could feel the bond with the one I loved grow stronger and stronger. What a truly wonderful feeling that was.

In June of ’03 we were finally reunited and married. What a wonderful day that was. I still remember much of that day as if it were yesterday. Seven PM finally arrived, and we were married. We zoomed away in our vehicle to start our life together.

The next day we left for our 1 week honeymoon, and although the actually honeymoon lasted only one week, this honeymoon period lasted for several months. Truly this woman was special, a joy to be around, and a gift of God.

Then guess what? As we lived together day by day, and even worked together each day, my angel I had married began to have flaws I had never really seen before. This “perfect woman” I had found was changing right before my eyes. I knew I could not go back and get a refund, but what was I to do?

I struggled with this for a while. Not that I wanted to divorce, but how could I get through to her to make her see she had “changed.” During this time I reminded myself that she was after all 7 years younger than I, thus 7 years less mature. I tried to remember back to when I was that age and tried to see things through HER eyes.

To make matters worse, she was expecting also. Her hormones were, well, just going crazy; and morning sickness was really getting the best of her. A few times, I will be honest, I just wanted to tell her to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” But I bit my tongue and just “endured the hardship” God had given me.

I would read in my Bible about how a Christian should act and then see how my wife was not measuring up to this. I looked at her at times and just prayed to God, “please God, change her.”

{come back tomorrow to see just how God DID change me}

healing will come

I know that there are several of you who visit frequently that are not on facebook. So I thought I would share this link here as well. 

I had many thoughts the last few weeks... about my country [America] and about the elections that took place yesterday. As disappointing as the outcome was, I truly am not discouraged. 

I am CONVICTED! 

And as I contemplated how to convey my thoughts... I was met with this post by a friend this morning: I Will Heal.

I will not restate all of her thoughts, but I will say that God HAS promised healing to His people... [and yes, I realize that verse is spoken directly to Israel... but I believe the principle holds true to all who follow Him] 

...but this healing is CONDITIONAL. He will not bring it upon a proud and unrepentant people.

As my Pastor often says: where there is LIFE there is HOPE. Hope for salvation. Hope for peace inside. Hope for life beyond this one.

And in the same turn: 

where there is HUMILITY there is this promise... of healing. 

Please read her post... 

{also, I am doing Days of Thankfulness on my facebook page... and will do a summary post of them at the end of the month....}

a new blog!

Today you can find me over here:

a new blog for moms! 

Stop by and let everyone know you were there by leaving a comment saying HI!

And I have a couple of posts in the works for my "home blog" too!

{Esther} the lady "come for such a time as this"

Darlene [author of The Good Wife's Guide (my review)] from Time-Warp-Wife is beginning a 3 week series on the book of Esther today. 

I am excited! Esther is my oldest girl's middle name because she is my absolute favorite lady in the Bible. such courage and wisdom. 

    So, read Esther 1 and click over to Darlene's blog for some insightful thoughts and questions. I am looking forward to reading through this book and her blog posts this month [on my favorite book... during the month of my birthday! what an awesome gift.]

I pray this is a BLESSED Monday for you all!

faith education

This past weekend one of my Pastor's messages was on the School of Faith, and one comment that stood out to me was: 

A faith that cannot be tested cannot be trusted.

photo source

In his text in Genesis, the story of Abraham, he pointed out many of the times that Abraham's faith was tested [and the times he failed as well as the times he triumphed]. 

But one thought that really stuck with me was that quote.

Can my faith be tested? I believe there have been many times that it has been. And I know there have been innumerable times my faith failed a test. But I want to think there have been times I have triumphed also. for His glory. And there are many avenues through which this testing approaches.

Life-events have tried my faith. When my husband and I were first married and we moved here to work in this ministry, I left everyone I knew. We moved into a new home within weeks and then, days later found out our first bundle of blessing was coming. I had just started a new job also. I had not even unpacked all our things into our home, and I was sick. For the next 7 months I was ill. I did not pass all the tests that arose from those situations. [not by a long shot. but I sure did learn a lot!] That was 8 years ago.

The general populace, including family and friends, have tried my faith. and tested my patience {smiles}. [I am sure I have tested theirs also.] I have learned much about God, His love and mercy and graciousness, from interacting with people. I have learned more about God from interacting with my children. Sometimes I lose something {ahem, temper}, and have to go looking for it. and apologize. My husband has taught me much about dealing with people. and all of it stems from a root of humility. {But that's another post.}

The temptation of more. having. wanting. going. doing. has tried my faith. But God is always faithful and has always provided more than we could ever [TRULY] need. way more. and, while there are days this becomes a struggle again, the Lord has taught me to be content with the what. who. where. & when of our life.

So, can my faith be trusted? can yours? I know God has tested. I have seen areas of testing generate ministry opportunity. I believe when that happens, I passed the test. that one - not all of them! [note to self: watch out! just because I passed it once doesn't mean the same test will not come around again. for a refresher course!]

Which leads me to this thought.  

Our perspective in the day-to-day is determined [solely] by our relationship with Christ in the day-to-day.  

Perspective can and will change as often as our relationship with the Lord changes. and perspective fashions the attitude with which we face our faith tests. which in turn influences whether we triumph or fail.

My prayer today is that our relationship with Jesus is genuine, faithful and daily. For only then will our faith be ready for the tests. and only then will triumph even be possible. 

 Can the Lord "trust" me? 

[My humble thoughts could never do justice to the study my pastor brings to each of his messages. These main points were from his sermon but put into my own words and applications] 

linked up: raisingmightyarrows/proverbs 31 thursdays

{7 keys} being emotionally whole .7

Read Key 1 here 

Read Key 2 here

Read Key 3 here

Read Key 4 here
Read Key 5 here 
Read Key 6 here

KEY 7:

Help of the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit is imparted to you when you place your trust in Jesus Christ. The ministry of the Holy Spirit is to give you daily guidance and counsel--in other words, to help you walk in the ways of the Lord and to make wise choices as various situations and circumstances arise.

Ask for the help of the Holy Spirit on a daily basis. Ask Him to guard you from evil and to guide you into righteousness. Give Him charge over your agenda, your schedule, and your daily appointments. Trust Him to bring you to persons in need so that you might minister to them, and to bring to you the help you need in the form that is best for you to receive it.

I close this series of articles on Being Emotionally Whole by saying with both forthrightness and love that I've never known anyone who was emotionally defeated who was filled with the Spirit of God. This seems to be the vital key to emotional victory.

Speaking to a large audience, D.L. Moody help up a glass and asked, "How can I get the air out of this glass?" One man shouted, "Suck it out with a pump!" Moody replied, "That would create a vacuum and shatter the glass." After numerous other suggestions, Moody smiled, picked up a pitcher of water and filled the glass. "there," he said," all the air is now removed." He then went on to explain that victory in the Christian life is not accomplished by "sucking out a sin here and there," but by being filled with the Holy Spirit.

May God grant you victory in your life over the emotions which may bind you!

written by Dr. Mike Rouse

Mountain View Baptist Church

used by permission

My Pastor writes a short article for our Sunday bulletin every week [and has for many years]. Currently, he is writing a series on Being Emotionally Whole, and I wanted to share it with you during the next few weeks. My posting these articles is not my Pastor's endorsement of my blog. All  opinions and thoughts expressed [unless otherwise noted, as here] are purely my own [and my family's] and not specifically affiliated with my church.

{7 keys} being emotionally whole .6

Read Key 1 here 

Read Key 2 here

Read Key 3 here

Read Key 4 here
Read Key 5 here

KEY 6:

Let Past Failures Go

There is an old saying that goes, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." I have another version of that saying, "If at first you don't succeed, you've now discovered that you are average." We will all fail on occasions, but how are we to handle failure?

A part of receiving God's forgiveness is forgiving yourself. Once God has forgiven you, you have no claim to your past sins, failures, or weaknesses. You are a new creature in Christ Jesus!

Each time you dwell on your past failures and errors, you are closing, to a certain degree, your heart and mind to the current and furture blessing that God has for you. Force yourself to think instead of the many ways God has helped you and blessed you. Anytime you find yourself reflecting on past failures, remind yourself that God has delivered you from sin. You have been saved by Christ Jesus. You are forgiven!

Then turn your mind to the positive things that God has done for you, in you, and through you. Start praising Him for His goodness rather than dwelling on the past. 

Theodore Roosevelt said, "The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything." Edison spent more than $100,000 to obtain 6,000 different fiber speicments, and only three of them proved satisfactory. Each failure brought him that much closer to the solution to his problem. His friend Henry Ford was right when he said that failure was the "opportunity to begin again, more intelligently." Learn from your failures, but don't dwell on them!

Helpful Scriptures: Psalm 97:9-12 & Lamentations 3:40-41

written by Dr. Mike Rouse

Mountain View Baptist Church

used by permission

My Pastor writes a short article for our Sunday bulletin every week [and has for many years]. Currently, he is writing a series on Being Emotionally Whole, and I wanted to share it with you during the next few weeks. My posting these articles is not my Pastor's endorsement of my blog. All  opinions and thoughts expressed [unless otherwise noted, as here] are purely my own [and my family's] and not specifically affiliated with my church.

{7 keys} being emotionally whole .5

Read Key 1 here

Read Key 2 here

Read Key 3 here

Read Key 4 here

KEY 5:

Give Yourself to Others

Too much introspection into your problems and weaknesses can cause you to become ingrown. Have you ever had an ingrown toenail? Then you know how just  a small ingrown element of your physical body can cause pain. This same principle applies to your spiritual and emotional lives. you can turn inward and over time cause great damage to yourself, all in the name of trying to know yourself or fix your problems.

The best cure for many emotional difficulties is to turn outward to others and start giving of yourself to others. you may say, "But I don't have anything to give." Every person has something to give, even it it's only a smile, a kinds word, or a pat on the shoulder in a time of need. Sometimes just your presence can be a gift to someone, especially to someone who is lonely, grieving, or suffering with a long-standing illness.

The happiest people I know are those who have wide-open hearts and who give generously to others. Such individuals are totally secure in God's love.

Give without any expectation of receiving from the person to whom you give. God will see your heart and what you do and reward you accordingly. Trust Him to take care of you. 

By giving freely and generously, you open up yourself. This open stance before God and other people is important to emotional heath. It is only as you open yourself that you learn to trust. and being able to trust is viral to you ability to received Gods' forgiveness and healing, and to believe that God will supply your needs. 

Others, Lord; yes, other: let this my motto be. Help me to live for others that I may live like Thee.

Helpful Scripture: Psalm 77 & Acts 3:6-10

written by Dr. Mike Rouse

Mountain View Baptist Church

used by permission

My Pastor writes a short article for our Sunday bulletin every week [and has for many years]. Currently, he is writing a series on Being Emotionally Whole, and I wanted to share it with you during the next few weeks. My posting these articles is not my Pastor's endorsement of my blog. All  opinions and thoughts expressed [unless otherwise noted, as here] are purely my own [and my family's] and not specifically affiliated with my church.

{7 keys} being emotionally whole .4

Read Key 1 here
Read Key 2 here
Read Key 3 here

KEY 3:

Stop Trying to Negotiate with God

Maybe you have an approach to God that can be stated like this: "If I just work hard enough and do enough good in my life, God will approve of me." You are attempting to negotiate good works for God's acceptance.

God accepts you! But you are having trouble accepting God's love.

You may have difficulty accepting the mercy of God because you have never fully received God's love. Or you may be so accustomed to the give-and-take, buy-and-sell nature of our culture that you assume you can deal with God the same way: "You do this for me, and I'll do this for you." God does not operate according to that human principle.


God's principle is one of total acceptance of you when you ask for His forgiveness and seek to do His will. If He desires to change something in your life -always for your good and for your eventual blessing- His chastisement is patient and kind (never beyond your ability to bear). and His love is constant (never withheld or removed). You cannot negotiate your way around God's will. Stop trying. 


What should be your approach instead of negotiating?


--Trust God. Ask Him for what you desire, and then trust Him to answer your prayer according to His wisdom and infinite provision. 


We base so much of our acceptance on the world's standards rather than God's grace. 


In 1900, the Daughters of the American Revolution [DAR] elected social reformer Jane Addams to honorary membership. But Addams' antiwar stance during World War I and her insistence that even subversives had a right to trial by due process caused them to expel her. She commented that she had thought her election to the DAR was for life, but now knew it was for good behavior.


Aren't you glad that God does not operate that way? Ephesians 1:6-7 says, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he had made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace.


I encourage you to put these verse to memory. I would also encourage you to read Zechariah 3:1-4, and always understand our acceptance from God is not based on what works we do but the work done by Jesus on Calvary.

written by Dr. Mike Rouse

Mountain View Baptist Church

used by permission

My Pastor writes a short article for our Sunday bulletin every week [and has for many years]. Currently, he is writing a series on Being Emotionally Whole, and I wanted to share it with you during the next few weeks. My posting these articles is not my Pastor's endorsement of my blog. All  opinions and thoughts expressed [unless otherwise noted, as here] are purely my own [and my family's] and not specifically affiliated with my church.

{7 keys} being emotionally whole .3

Read Key 1 here

Read Key 2 here

KEY 3:

Healing for your faults

ALL people have something about themselves - their personalities, their backgrounds, their abilities - that they do not like. Everyone has a tendency to concentrate more on the flaws and points of weakness than on the strengths.

Some things in life are givens. For example, you cannot change the family into which you were born, the nation in which you were born, your race, your physical stature and basic genetic code and so forth.  Certain physical weaknesses or disabilities cannot be changed. When you face these unchangeable things about yourself, you are wise to accept the way God made you. To do anything else is counterproductive. You need to assume God had a plan and purpose for every detail of your creation.

Some things in life are givens because of the state of the world in which you live. For example, you may not be able to do anything to alter the fact that your parents are divorced or that your children are divorced. But you can pray that the Lord will bring healing in you and your loved ones. 

 

In yet another area, elements of your personality can be changed. For example, you may think that you are jealous by nature. Let me assure you, envy is an acquired trait. You can ask the Lord to heal you of your jealousy and to help you to trust Him and, in your trust of Him, to trust others.

How do you become healed?

--First, you identify the character or personality trait tha you know is displeasing to the Lord and ask Him to forgive you for allowing this trait to develop.

--Second, you ask Him to heal you of this tendency.

--Third, you give Him permission to do whatever He needs to do in your life to make you whole.

--Fourth, accept with your faith that God is at work in your life and taht He will make you whole in His timing and according to His methods. 

God is merciful. He forgives. He heals. He enters with His divine presence any area of your life that you open up to Him.

I would encourage you to read I Thessalonians 5:23,24 and Jeremiah 18:3-6. 

written by Dr. Mike Rouse

Mountain View Baptist Church

used by permission

My Pastor writes a short article for our Sunday bulletin every week [and has for many years]. Currently, he is writing a series on Being Emotionally Whole, and I wanted to share it with you during the next few weeks. My posting these articles is not my Pastor's endorsement of my blog. All  opinions and thoughts expressed [unless otherwise noted, as here] are purely my own [and my family's] and not specifically affiliated with my church. 

a price above rubies .12 [guest blogger]

WELCOME to Candace from

Sonbeams: 

Raising up Sonbeams for Him!

[She has developed a wonderful pre-school curriculum 

and has many helpful products!

See the end of this post for additional links] 

 

I asked her if she were willing to choose a verse in Proverbs 31 to expound in a modern way, and she graciously consented to write about verse 21. I have to admit that I had asked for her post in advance since she was expecting a wee bundle of love and then life happened. It was not posted on time and I forgot about it. Candace is a sweet Christian lady who writes...

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

Proverbs 31:21

She is not afraid; she has no need to worry about her family’s needs being met; she is prepared for whatever might come her way.

We live in a modern day world, and unfortunately for myself, I depend greatly on these modern conveniences. But the Proverbs 31 woman foresees what might come her way, and not only is she prepared, she is prepared with the best! I personally take the snow in this verse to relate to storms here in Alabama.

How can we apply this verse to our lives today? For our 1 income family, we are taking advantage of coupons and sales to stock up on necessity emergency items such as bandaids, toilet paper, solar energy products, freeze dried foods, even closeout clothes! As long as we have a place to store something that is a necessity AND a great deal, we stock up.

We look for ways to save on clothing, such as the sometimes new clothes you can find a the thrift store. Sheets in good condition can be sewn into skirts, or pillowcases. Long ladies dresses can be transformed into little girl dresses. Grab up mens pants at a fraction of the cost of retail – and look for durable material that will hold up well over time.

Take advantage of sales on soaps and candles, or better yet, learn to make them yourself! Not only will you reap the rewards of savings, you will have a product with ingredients you are in control of.

Research natural remedies and essential oils for basic health and cleaning purposes. Again, being able to make your own products will not only save on costs, but will be very beneficial should an emergency cut you off from stores or outside help.

I have a great respect for the woman in this verse; and it is very encouraging to me that she is not afraid when circumstances change on her, because she is prepared.

I will close with encouraging you to take a minute the next time the power goes out to see exactly what all it is that you are doing. How are you affected? Can you still fix dinner, wash clothes, tell time, etc...? Take this and learn how to be better prepared next time.

~~~

Thank you, Candace. Being prepared for an emergency is definitely something we ought to be thinking of during the days in which we live.

Please visit her at Sonbeams! She has developed some wonderful curriculum for pre-schoolers as well as many helpful products including a Children's Bible Songs CD [GREAT Christmas gift] in which there are 26 songs -a Bible verse set to music for each letter of the alphabet!

{7 keys} being emotionally whole .2

Read Key 1 here

KEY 2:

Saturate yourself with God's Word

When you are forgiven, you have a clean slate before God. But it is not enough to have a clean slate. You need to ask the Lord to write His Truth on the slate of your heart. You need to have God's Goodness instilled in you.

You acquire God's Truth about virtually every situation by reading His Word. You need to saturate yourself with God's opinion, and in the area of emotional health, that means saturating yourself with God's opinion about you.

In the Scriptures you discover that you are:
 

--a child of God [Galations 3:26-27; I John 5:1,2]

--accepted totally and completely by God [Acts 10:34,35; Ephesians 1:3,6]

--an heir of the Father through Christ Jesus [Galatians 3:29; Titus 3:7]

Many other descriptions of God's people appear in the Scriptures. you may want to start a list or circle them as you read your Bible daily. If you are born again into Christ Jesus, all of these descriptions about the children of God apply to you. Tak them as part of your profile.

The great preacher Alexandar White, when he was too old to mount the pulpit, would rise every morning to prepare a semon, even though he never preached them. He did so until the day he died. He was convinced that study of the Word was essential to saving himself- not eternal salvation but the saving of one's emotional well-being [I Timothy 4:16].

Key Two to being emotionally whole is 
saturate yourself with God's Word.

written by Dr. Mike Rouse

Mountain View Baptist Church

used by permission

My Pastor writes a short article for our Sunday bulletin every week [and has for many years]. Currently, he is writing a series on Being Emotionally Whole, and I wanted to share it with you during the next few weeks. My posting these articles is not my Pastor's endorsement of my blog. All  opinions and thoughts expressed [unless otherwise noted, as here] are purely my own [and my family's] and not specifically affiliated with my church.

linked up at GrowingHome: TeachMeTuesdays

 

{7 keys} being emotionally whole .1

My Pastor writes a short article for our Sunday bulletin every week [and has for many years]. Currently, he is writing a series on Being Emotionally Whole, and I wanted to share it with you during the next few weeks. My posting these articles is not my Pastor's endorsement of my blog. All  opinions and thoughts expressed [unless otherwise noted, as here] are purely my own [and my family's] and not specifically affiliated with my church.

 KEY 1: 

Give your heart to Christ.

Spiritual redemption is the first key toward developing a positive self-image. People who do not know Christ may claim that they think the world of themselves, but they will not draw that conclusion if they are honest. Most unbelievers I know who state that they are self-sufficient in themselves and do not need Christ are miserable people in crises. They are like beautiful flowering weeds with no strong root system.

They have only themselves upon which to rely for strength, energy, enthusiasm, creativity, and new methods. Eventually, they get to the end of themselves. They do not have the Holy Spirit resident in them to build them up in Christ in a way that is based on truth and is comforting even in times of chastisement.

Having a relationship with Christ Jesus resolves many issues that undermine emotional wholeness: 

--feeling guilty. Guilt is created when you have unforgiven sin. When you ask for God's forgiveness, you are forgiven. Guilt is washed away. 

--feeling unloved. When you turn to Christ, you must accept, at least at  some level, that God loves you and desires to have an eternal relationship with you.

--having a spirit of revenge. Once you have accepted God's free gift of salvation-- acknowledging your sin and need of a Savior-- you are no longer in a position to attempt to justify Why God should not forgive others who are also sinners in need of a Savior. What God has done for you, He desires to do for all men and woman,, regardless of their past. 

--striving to earn favor with God. God's gift of salvation is free. You cannot earn it, buy it or achieved it through good works. You do not  deserve it. When you truly are born anew spiritually, you must accept that any favor you have with God is on the basis of what Christ has done, is doing, and will do in your and through you.

If you truly want to be emotionally whole, you must give your life to Christ.

written by Dr. Mike Rouse

Mountain View Baptist Church

used by permission

Linked to:

WomenLivingWellWednesdays

works for me .2 [continued]

you can see my initial post here

semi-done for 2 1/2 months

And now I have FINALLY finished it!

 

long[ish] screws with caps on them

for the hair bands and elastics

{I have no idea where to acquire them as they were just in our stash of odds/ends}

double ribbon for hair pins

one strand ribbon for smaller clips

tied to very small screws

small clips {smiles}

fewer empty spaces now!

it hangs from a hook at the top of their bedroom door 

as I do not want to put a hole in the door 

and there is not really any wall space available for it.

YEAH!!!

Just in time for making some Christmas bows.

EDITED to add [January 2012]: 

The head bands were having trouble staying on with the board since it is hanging on a frequently used door, so they now have a home in a basket, but all other clips and bows stay in their place when not in use!! YEAH

Please also  

check out these two ladies shops 

if you need some bows!  

[Tell them Tascha sent you. 
I am not compensated, I just want to know if they get business from this post!]

Rachel's Ribbon Candy

Chic Made Cheap

linked up at:
RaisingHomemakers
Proverbs31Thursday/RaisingMightyArrows
homemakerschallenge