she needed to change... [pt 2]

{If you missed the first part yesterday, please read it first!}

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We turned several corners during our first years of being married, but there was sometimes a bit of animosity between us. Our problem, unbeknownst to either of us, was that we had yet to become ONE.

We each were doing our best in the marriage, but it was still each of us trying to be what we thought we ought to be.

Several years ago, all of this changed. To me there was no defining moment, but God really began to work on MY heart.

Much of this previous time I would dwell on the other half of the equation, when the real problem was staring at me in the mirror.

God spoke to me saying, "John, quit looking at your wife and all of her flaws, cuz you my son, are NOT all of that either."

The problem was, I was dwelling on my wife and what SHE needed to change and not on me, myself, and I. WOW!!

It was NOT my wife that was the problem, but my own pride that was the problem.

Thus began the journey of just allowing God to change MY life so I could become what He wanted me to be.

After all, God knows exactly what my wife needs in and from me, and if I allow God to change me, then I am becoming not only what God wants and needs me to be, but what my wife wants and needs me to be as well.

As my wife often says to me, “You are not perfect, John, but you are perfect FOR ME.”

I love my wife for feeling that way about me. She is my gift from God. Amen!

she needed to change [pt 1]

This is a guest post from my hubby.... about "us"... and needing change.

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Almost 12 years ago, I asked this girl I knew to go to a Valentine’s Banquet with me.

I was so nervous when I asked her, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was a Godly decision. Little did I know how much that would change my life.

The Valentine’s Banquet was a very fun time even though, once again, I was so nervous I almost puked.

Almost 6 months after that day, we were engaged to be married. I knew this was the woman that God would have me marry.

Although I am sure she had flaws at this point in her life, I looked beyond them and saw what God wanted me to see in her. I am sure she would say the same thing about me as well.

Ten months after we were engaged was our wedding day. Most of our engagement period we were separated from each other by quite a distance. I used to love to speak to her on the phone and get to know her more and more as THE day approached. I was very busy with work, finishing up college, and the ministry I was involved in.

Most days seemed to fly by, and I could feel the bond with the one I loved grow stronger and stronger. What a truly wonderful feeling that was.

In June of ’03 we were finally reunited and married. What a wonderful day that was. I still remember much of that day as if it were yesterday. Seven PM finally arrived, and we were married. We zoomed away in our vehicle to start our life together.

The next day we left for our 1 week honeymoon, and although the actually honeymoon lasted only one week, this honeymoon period lasted for several months. Truly this woman was special, a joy to be around, and a gift of God.

Then guess what? As we lived together day by day, and even worked together each day, my angel I had married began to have flaws I had never really seen before. This “perfect woman” I had found was changing right before my eyes. I knew I could not go back and get a refund, but what was I to do?

I struggled with this for a while. Not that I wanted to divorce, but how could I get through to her to make her see she had “changed.” During this time I reminded myself that she was after all 7 years younger than I, thus 7 years less mature. I tried to remember back to when I was that age and tried to see things through HER eyes.

To make matters worse, she was expecting also. Her hormones were, well, just going crazy; and morning sickness was really getting the best of her. A few times, I will be honest, I just wanted to tell her to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” But I bit my tongue and just “endured the hardship” God had given me.

I would read in my Bible about how a Christian should act and then see how my wife was not measuring up to this. I looked at her at times and just prayed to God, “please God, change her.”

{come back tomorrow to see just how God DID change me}

a price above rubies . 15

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Proverbs 31:24

She understands a trade. She knows an area of business and takes advantage of the market, thus earning some income. This has been talked about earlier in the chapter also.

She knows that her merchandise is good. This woman has worked in the night hours to furnish product to the merchants. She has remained a light to her family during the dark times [possibly of financial struggle].

She is not afraid to lay hold on work. She has learned to give to the needy. She has proven to have a mind to reason out business.

While she could have {and so can we} become involved in a myriad of business opportunities: soap-making, farming, animals, child-care, artist, etc... she did become involved in clothing and material construction {as well as a little farming}. We see here that she made fine linen. She constructed girdles to sell.

I find it encouraging to notice that, while it does say she was not idle and looked well to the ways of her household [further on], it does not say that there were never days of disorder or frustration.

I am positive she had days of being tired. She WAS human. But she also relied on God for strength {she feared the Lord in verse 30}.

[I do understand that this woman is simply the advice of a mother to her son on looking for a wife, but I think the fact this type of lady's description made it into Scripture means this type of life is more than just a lofty aspiration.]

Life is messy. Husbands are not always agreeable {and neither are we!}. Children are often chaos waiting to explode. She took care of her family and home to the best of her ability. And she learned a trade. Incidentally, she learned a trade that benefited her family [growing fruit and constructing clothing]!

These things did not happen in a day. Neither did they happen in one year. This chapter is the culmination of her life. It does not say she bought land every year or even planted vineyards every year. It does not say she made linen every season her whole life. These are simply things she did-at some point in her life.

And while I am busy these precious, few, fleeting years training my children to be good and how to do household chores with me, I can be learning and preparing for a time when they will not require my full-undivided-attention-every-waking-moment. It will come. I think the fact that the only time this lady's children are mentioned is when they rise up to call her blessed attests to that.

~ ~ ~

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 

Proverbs 31:10

the series

established thoughts {day 16}

Some days, I just feel kinda lost. I don't know how to get a certain principle across to my children, or I am unsure how to respond to something unkind a supposed friend said.

And some days, I just feel like any good I try to do means nothing.

And then I read encouraging words from God's Word:
Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. Proverbs 16:3

Each day I have the opportunity and privilege to intentionally commit my day and all its works unto the Lord. Only then can it really have any meaning anyway.

And when I do this {you see, I don't first thing every day... hence those lost thoughts that happen}, the Lord establishes my thoughts for me.  

He directs my mind to think the way I need to. 

He gives me wisdom to instruct my children with the proper attitude and the appropriate words. 

He gives me the strength to be hurt and yet forgive without being asked for it. 

He gives me the discretion to understand that, while my "good deeds" are filthy rags, when I ask Him to do the works through me... His goodness is mine. And I can rejoice in that!

I am not well today. I had to cancel plans with a dear lady... and that made me sad. But my thoughts can still be right and good when I commit the works I am able to accomplish today to Him.

having answers {day 13}

For nearly 2 weeks I have posted each day of things the Lord has shown me either from personal Bible reading to in the simple day-to-day of being at home with my children.

Today, I have read several familiar passages {as was in my scheduled reading} and 1 of my usual "daily devotionals" and there has not been one particular thought or lesson that has made itself shareable. Several previous posts have been brought to mind though.  {smile-ever learning...[being a more faithful witness of His Love] ~ [personal responsibility] ~ [how I can have strength] ~ [seeing my own faults in my children’s needs] ~ [learning to live as His child from my own children] to name a few}

Often the Lord shows me things that simply are not meant for me to share with the world, because my desire for this blog is to not be divisive. I do realize there are some who do not agree with 100% of what I share, but my prayer is that nothing I write can be taken and turned on the Lord to say: Look, she claims to be following Jesus and yet she is constantly having other Christians criticize or rebuke her for this or that. That makes my testimony of no effect for God’s glory.

Some things the Lord shows me personally are quite controversial, such as with dress standards or music our family will listen to or even how I plan to vote...I have personal, God-directed, husband-approving {yes, that is important to me!}, philosophies and opinions about all of those areas.

And there are blogs out there where the blogger’s simple desire to to share everything... and that’s fine!

But that is not my blog’s purpose. I strive to only speak of how God is changing my own heart.

Some posts I hesitate to publish because I am uncertain of the reaction, and I must be sensitive to my family’s place of influence in our church. I do not want to come across as pointing a finger at anyone. The “followers” number often fluctuates and I wonder... was it something I wrote or did they just really not understand what this blog was about when they first started following? [I don’t actually write to grow a “following,” but I do notice those things.]

Most of my posts are first read by my husband. A few posts have been read by close, Godly friends before I hit “publish.”

One verse in my reading today that perhaps prompted these thoughts was in Proverbs 13:10- Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well-advised there is wisdom.

While I wish to speak only truth, and I strive to do it in love, I also wish to do so with a visible humility so as to avoid contention due to my personage.

My heart’s desire is to not come across as someone who gushes that she has found all the answers because even though the principles I do find and share come from Scripture, I will never have ALL the answers [and neither will you {smiles}].

And aside from salvation, there is much of our life as Christians that is simply to be governed by the two great commands Jesus shared in Matthew. I wrote a little about that on {day 1}. But I do praise the Lord that I know where to FIND the answer to anything I need.

I suppose that is it for today. I was still... the Lord showed me things I have already written about that need more attention in my own life. 

And He reminded me of my need to be peaceable and show humility in all things I write.

 

giving good gifts {day 12}

"after" - this makes my heart sing.

Sometimes, it is frustrating to realize just how much like a little child {my children, no less!} I act. 

When they are asked to complete a very simple chore: please take the toys off of the bookshelves, because you know they do not belong there [this is purely for my own sanity]; their first response is: but I can't reach... whatever toy on whatever shelf... excuses. 

[SOMEONE put it there! and it wasn't Mommy!!] 

{yes. this happened just a few minutes ago... :)}

And then I think about simple tasks my Heavenly Father asks of me... write a kind note to a hurting church member, take a few extra steps and say HI to a visitor in church, let me {HIM} help you love your family as you want to... as is your heart's desire.

... and I say, but LORD! I just can't do that! for whatever reason. {I don't have their address, I feel awkward talking to strangers, sometimes it's hard to let God move in my heart....} 

I forget what I tell my own children: Just say yes, ma'am and do what you can; show me you are trying to obey, and ask for my help and Mommy will help with the rest...

"before"--'nuff said!

Is not God better than that?

and I am reminded of:

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened...If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:8 & 11

Yes, Lord. 

That is all the response He asks.

So, today, I wrote a note... and I am going to ask God to help me show my family how much I love them! 

And for tomorrow... we'll just see what tomorrow brings!

one other passage came to mind:  

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: 

for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 

Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, 

that the power of Christ may rest upon me

... for when I am weak, then am I strong.  

2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10

 

 

The bookshelf pictures were from about 2 weeks ago... I did a major decluttering and re-shelving of books. When little fingers think the bookshelves are playgrounds, nothing is safe! Most of the messiness is moved and 'rearranged' books. The "after" picture is almost what it looked like again this morning after we removed several layers of toys... SO happy! I took pictures to PROVE that they CAN look nice :) with all the books on the shelves and "in their home."

{learning} how to fall

We read this story in our devotion book the other evening: {I will paraphrase some of it}

Little Sammy had to wear leg braces because he had polio. He fell often but still wanted to attend school. One day he fell down the steps and his teacher rushed over to see if he was ok. 

"Sammy, are you hurt?"

Sammy SMILED up at her and said:  

 "No, I've learned HOW TO FALL."

As people saved by grace, we need to learn how to fall. 

First. We must realize that we WILL fall. There is sin in this world, still residing in our hearts. Falling is inevitable.

and

Second. No one ever falls all. by. himself. There are consequences. If I am a child of God, His chastisement will remind me; and more than likely, there will be at least 1 human who notices also. Our actions affects other people.

BUT there is grace for every time.

And I must learn that it is not the fall that will destroy me. It is how I handle it. I must allow God to work in my life. 

God can use any fall to bring Him glory if we are seeking His face- searching for Him.

And that is learning how to fall.

Always into His waiting arms of grace, picking us up, helping us make it right, strengthening us to apologize, supporting us, allowing us another opportunity to make it right, giving us grace to learn through the consequences.