she needed to change... [pt 2]

{If you missed the first part yesterday, please read it first!}

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We turned several corners during our first years of being married, but there was sometimes a bit of animosity between us. Our problem, unbeknownst to either of us, was that we had yet to become ONE.

We each were doing our best in the marriage, but it was still each of us trying to be what we thought we ought to be.

Several years ago, all of this changed. To me there was no defining moment, but God really began to work on MY heart.

Much of this previous time I would dwell on the other half of the equation, when the real problem was staring at me in the mirror.

God spoke to me saying, "John, quit looking at your wife and all of her flaws, cuz you my son, are NOT all of that either."

The problem was, I was dwelling on my wife and what SHE needed to change and not on me, myself, and I. WOW!!

It was NOT my wife that was the problem, but my own pride that was the problem.

Thus began the journey of just allowing God to change MY life so I could become what He wanted me to be.

After all, God knows exactly what my wife needs in and from me, and if I allow God to change me, then I am becoming not only what God wants and needs me to be, but what my wife wants and needs me to be as well.

As my wife often says to me, “You are not perfect, John, but you are perfect FOR ME.”

I love my wife for feeling that way about me. She is my gift from God. Amen!

she needed to change [pt 1]

This is a guest post from my hubby.... about "us"... and needing change.

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Almost 12 years ago, I asked this girl I knew to go to a Valentine’s Banquet with me.

I was so nervous when I asked her, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was a Godly decision. Little did I know how much that would change my life.

The Valentine’s Banquet was a very fun time even though, once again, I was so nervous I almost puked.

Almost 6 months after that day, we were engaged to be married. I knew this was the woman that God would have me marry.

Although I am sure she had flaws at this point in her life, I looked beyond them and saw what God wanted me to see in her. I am sure she would say the same thing about me as well.

Ten months after we were engaged was our wedding day. Most of our engagement period we were separated from each other by quite a distance. I used to love to speak to her on the phone and get to know her more and more as THE day approached. I was very busy with work, finishing up college, and the ministry I was involved in.

Most days seemed to fly by, and I could feel the bond with the one I loved grow stronger and stronger. What a truly wonderful feeling that was.

In June of ’03 we were finally reunited and married. What a wonderful day that was. I still remember much of that day as if it were yesterday. Seven PM finally arrived, and we were married. We zoomed away in our vehicle to start our life together.

The next day we left for our 1 week honeymoon, and although the actually honeymoon lasted only one week, this honeymoon period lasted for several months. Truly this woman was special, a joy to be around, and a gift of God.

Then guess what? As we lived together day by day, and even worked together each day, my angel I had married began to have flaws I had never really seen before. This “perfect woman” I had found was changing right before my eyes. I knew I could not go back and get a refund, but what was I to do?

I struggled with this for a while. Not that I wanted to divorce, but how could I get through to her to make her see she had “changed.” During this time I reminded myself that she was after all 7 years younger than I, thus 7 years less mature. I tried to remember back to when I was that age and tried to see things through HER eyes.

To make matters worse, she was expecting also. Her hormones were, well, just going crazy; and morning sickness was really getting the best of her. A few times, I will be honest, I just wanted to tell her to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” But I bit my tongue and just “endured the hardship” God had given me.

I would read in my Bible about how a Christian should act and then see how my wife was not measuring up to this. I looked at her at times and just prayed to God, “please God, change her.”

{come back tomorrow to see just how God DID change me}

marriage thoughts {day 6}

a totally "fall" decor--it was beautiful!!

So, today we had a wedding at our church-two young people who grew up in our church... who had a beautiful engagement and now wedding. I am praying their marriage is just as beautiful!

I read the Proverb for today, and there was many directions I could take this post.

But today, I am going to just tell you how God spoke to me at the wedding... even amid needing to take my children out because the baby was not agreeable :/.

Today, I remembered just HOW MUCH my husband means to me. He is my gift. He is the man God gave to me to take care of and cherish me, and he does.

yep, goldfish :)

One of the songs sung during the ceremony spoke of "the two of us is all we need." And another one sung spoke of "walking hand in hand"... being friends. My husband truly is my best friend. And to keep a harmonious friendship {with anyone!} I must be friendly {a different Proverb}. I must speak kindly, lovingly even when occasionally reproving. I must allow the Lord to temper my reactions when they are not what they should be.

gorgeous and delicious!!

And  I must remember that, after God, he is my life. My husband is my life! He is my ministry. As and extension of our love, our children are my ministry... but they are not my life in the same way that my husband is. I must remember that I am training and teaching my daughters how to have their own home one day. I must teach my son about being a Godly leader in his own home with his own wife one day!

So, today, this evening.... I am remembering to be intentional so that he will know he is my life.